00:08 Hi, I am Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power so they can lead like visionaries, influence with grace, and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems navigating their success in life, business and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.00:46 Hey, leader, how are you? I'm so excited you have joined me today. I know there are a million things that you could be doing right now, but you have decided to press play and I'm so excited for you. We're going to talk about how to go from a peer to a leader. This is a really, really important conversation to have today because many of my aspiring and new leaders and managers aspiring as someone who is working towards getting a formal title, but a new or emerging leader or manager, they're in it. They're right there. They have just entered the pipeline. They are trying to navigate this new role. They are having a really difficult time going from this peer being part of a team, being part of a group to now a leader. And now her team, these individual star performers, and I'm sure they're all amazing, are now answering to you the leader.01:59 So many of my clients are saying, I don't know how to navigate this new identity. I came from a very humble beginning, an individual employee. I rose to become an individual star performer and now I have been promoted to this manager or leadership position, and I don't know how to step into this new identity. There's so many things that she is learning right now. You may be learning right now so many things that are on your plate, trying to navigate your administrative tasks, trying to delegate, trying to utilize or leverage time management. You are trying to be as efficient as possible as this new manager or leader, but you're coming from an identity of a star performer where you were only obligated to perform in your job description within the boundaries of your job description. And here you are now elevated to this new role of leader.03:06 So I want to talk a little bit about going from a peer to a leader, the challenges, what are the maybe implications of this particular challenge that you're having? And then some ways to solve for this. I want for you to be open-minded to what I have to share with you today. I want for you to first of all have some self-honesty with yourself at this moment. Am I having a difficult time going from this peer identity into this new role of leader? And if you are, this is the discussion we need to have today. Now, if you are listening to this and you are a senior executive leader or an experienced leader and you have managers or supervisors under you, I want for you to stay tuned. I want for you to listen in on this episode because your role is to coach and to guide your reports, your leaders that report to you.04:10 And this may be helpful if you are noticing some of the behaviors of these new leaders. Maybe they are people pleasing, maybe they're spending too much time in perfectionism. Maybe they aren't meeting performance measurements. Maybe they aren't suited for leadership after you have promoted them. And I hear this all the time with my executive clients. They hire who they believe is a star performer or I should say they promote an individual star performer into this leadership position and they thrust them into leadership without any training, without any know-how, without any skill development, without any mindset mastery, without even knowing how to delegate, how to utilize or have effective time management. They are thrusted into these roles and they are left to fail. And then when evaluations, performance evaluations come through and a new leader is getting bad scores, they are confused and they don't understand why am I being scored this way and I don't have professional development to help me in these areas and you're not helping me and you don't even know how to coach or guide me, so what am I supposed to do?05:34 So if again, you are in an executive or senior level position, you best listen to this one my friend, because this will be very helpful to better understand why your new leaders, why your new managers are failing. Alright, so let's talk about the challenge. I mentioned that you're going from first of all, a new hire in the organization. I'm going all the way back my friend, I'm going all the way back to starting as a new employee, right? You are part of a team. You have seen some stuff. You have been through some stuff. You may have had multiple leaders that you've had to answer to. You may have seen the turnover, you may have seen the quiet, quitting all the apathy among your team members, people gossiping and talking about one another, maybe even playing politics with each other. So you have been there from the beginning.06:30 You have seen it all. And you, because of your mindset, because of the skills that you had, because of the strategic thinking that you had as a regular individual employee, you rose to this individual star performer status and an individual star performer. We all know them. They are exceptional among the team. They are the ones that have set themselves apart, not because they don't want to be a part of a team, but because their intellect, their competency, their knowledge, their skills, even their behaviors and actions demonstrate a higher level of individual employee, and we call them star performers because they are shining bright full of potential employees that have the capacity for leadership. So they have maximized their current ability as an individual star performer. Someone has put their eyes on you and said, you are the one and they've been watching you and they've been excited about you and they know you've got potential.07:43 You're a high performer and someone with high potential. And they said, this is the person I want to elevate into this next leadership role. And so they've been watching your behaviors, they've been watching your actions, they've been watching your responses and reactions not only to their leadership but also how you've been reacting to or among your team members. And so it's important that you understand how you got this position. Now, if you're coming from the outside in as a brand new leader or manager, what they did was they looked at your resume, they looked at your portfolio, and they realize this person meets everything and beyond. They have exceeded our expectations and we have high hopes for this person. And we believe in this person. They made us believe in the interviewing process that they were the ones for this role. So you were picked among hundreds of applicants, maybe less than not, but you were picked.08:43 You are the one. And so fast forward to you now, you are a new manager, you're perhaps a leader. Your title may be supervisor, your title may be director. And so here you are set apart from the team, not that you don't belong in the team, but because of your title and your status, remember, you now have a formal position of leader. You immediately enter this identity of responsibility. This is the person who's accountable for the team's actions. This is the person who is going to lead and guide us to create results, to solve for problems, to drive team performance, to align with the company's strategic objectives and vision. Like this is the person. And so automatically you are set apart because you don't have the same duties and obligations that you did as an individual star performer. That's just the way it works. And this is why we have an organizational chart, because we want to put you on the line leader.09:57 You're not off the hook my friend. You are actually on the hook. I mean, think about it. You are on the hook, which means you are responsible for the success or the failures of your department. So this is why we have hierarchy. This doesn't mean you're better than anyone else in your department or among your team members. This just means that you have the most accountability in that department. And guess what? Accountability just means ownership. You have ownership of the results that are created among your team and your butt is on the line. This is why you are on the hook all the time. And there is separation because of that. It is the nature of the hierarchy. It is the nature of an organizational chart. This is why a lot of technology companies in the tech industry, they love flat organizational charts. They don't want anyone to have status.10:57 They don't want anyone to feel any added pressure. And the spread between the team member and the person who's leading the group is slight. It's not a big spread between duties or tasks. So I find that so interesting where they try to keep everything very democratized. They're trying to keep everything flat so that no one feels out of the ordinary and there's no outlier there. It is just a group that's working together. And it's almost like committee or community decision-making leadership style. And so in some industries this works and in others it doesn't. And so I find that so interesting. But back to you dear leader, wherever you are on your journey, you may have just begun this role, you may have been in for about a year, maybe even two, three years, but you are still having difficulties going from this peer identity, this individual star performer.11:58 You're among your peers. You can still gossip and talk smack about other departments or maybe even against your leader. So there's this camaraderie, there's this loyalty. But then now you have set yourself apart. And again, just by the nature of hierarchy, this is what happens. And so here you are now a new manager, a new leader, and you're finding it so difficult to set boundaries. That's one important sign that I want for you to pay close attention to. Are your boundaries blurred between you as the leader and your employees? And that may look like you still doing things still behaving as a star performer, right? That could look like going to happy hour. That could look like you turning the other way when there's misconduct, misbehavior among your team members. I remember when I was a Bath and Body works manager and I had come from a regular part-time seasonal employee into a full-time employee and then eventually a store manager.13:11 And I remember some of my team members, my employees, my direct reports, these were the people I was hired with. These were the people I had known for so long. And I remembered being so lenient on one or two of my employees because I knew their story, I knew their sacrifices. I knew what they were going through in their marriages or in their families. I had gotten to know them so well intimately. We were friends. And so when I rose into management, that was something that was really difficult for me was to separate or to have clear boundaries between my role and their role and not taking things personally. It was a very interesting transition for me, again, because you know them so well and you were one of them at one point, and now you've elevated in a status or position, which definitely comes with a whole lot of responsibility.14:15 But nonetheless, you are in a new role and you have to set those clear boundaries. So I remember this vividly, and I do help my clients try to navigate that new identity going from that individual star performer into this new leader manager role. Another sign is that you aren't able to assert your authority. You aren't able to use your authority because fear of judgment, fear of not being liked, fear that you'll be talked about. I find that so interesting is that our habits in our individual star performer roles may have been inappropriate, may not have been the best habits or the best actions. Maybe we gossiped about our leader. Maybe we were very judgmental about other departments and other team members. And so we are now the leader in the department and we're afraid to be judged. We're afraid that they're going to gossip against us.15:14 We are afraid. And so you pull back on asserting your authority and you've got this authority because it comes with the title, your responsibilities, your obligations, everything you are responsible or accountable in doing comes with authority. And you shy away. You lean back instead of leaning in because of fear. Fear that you'll be judged, fear that they're going to gossip about you, fear that you're maybe you're just not good enough for this job. Maybe you're going to be found out because of imposter syndrome. So these are some signs, again, you not having clear boundaries and you not able to assert your authority. So those are the two glaring I would call red flags that I want for you to ask yourself, am I having problems right now setting these boundaries with my staff? Am I also not asserting my authority the way I should? Maybe I'm stuck in people pleasing, maybe I'm stuck in perfectionism.16:20 And perfectionism is really an interesting undercurrent of imposter syndrome, feeling like a fraud. So you have to have everything perfect. And so maybe that's it. Maybe you don't want to be found out. Maybe you realize you're in over your head. Maybe you feel like you're underwater every day. Maybe you can't catch up with your tasks. Maybe you are doing busy work instead of productive work and you don't know how to distinguish between the two. Maybe you are afraid to delegate. Maybe you aren't able to effectively practice time management with your staff. Maybe you're not meeting deadlines or even worse performance measurements. And so you are feeling all kinds of ways right now, and it's really the undercurrent of feeling like a fraud, feeling like you're not good enough, feeling like they made a mistake in promoting or hiring you into this new leadership role. So going back again to those two red flags, setting clear boundaries.17:23 Are they blurred for you right now? And then number two, are you not able to assert your authority? So when you can't set clear boundaries and you can't assert your authority, my dear friend, your employees will lack respect for you. Conflicts will arise because they don't respect you because they're watching your habits or watching your actions. They're watching your behaviors. They're paying close attention to if your words are in alignment with your behavior and these employees, they're onto you because they're watching your every move just like you were watching or are watching your leaders every move right now, they're doing the same thing. And so conflicts will arise when they don't respect you because you are not setting clear boundaries, because you are not asserting your authority. It's going to make your job so difficult. You won't be able to drive team performance. You won't be able to meet performance measurements.18:23 You're never going to create the results that you want. You're certainly never going to solve for problems in your department that will impact your organization. You will have a very difficult time being an impactful leader. This is why it's important for us to look at how then can we move you from that identity of a peer and step into an assertive, authoritative role. And here are just a few ideas for you to ponder. I want for you to redefine the relationships that you have right now with your former peers who are now your subordinates. I want for you to find awareness around what it is you want from them. Is it respect? Is it communication from them? Is it their energy? Is it their focus? What do you want from them? Because I want for you to then ask, how do I then communicate what it is I want or expect from my employees?19:27 This is how you redefine your relationship with them. You have to find self-awareness around what you want from them moving forward, and then how to communicate it. Clearly, we have to communicate this to them as clearly as possible. And maybe that looks like one-on-one meetings. It may not be in a group setting. You may not want for everybody to turn on you all at once. Perhaps maybe. Maybe it's best for you to meet with them one-on-one where you can talk to Susie and you can tell Susie, listen, Susie, I know we had lunch every single Friday for the last two years. I know your family. I've been to your daughter's birthday parties. I have been very close to you and your family, but I want to share with you that I'm having a difficult time right now separating myself from that role, from that peer of yours.20:22 Now know that I still respect you. I have so much compassion for you. I want to stay connected, but I have this new role with these obligations and with these new duties, and I have to make sure I have clear boundaries. So what do you think about that, Susie? What do you think about us having clear boundaries and how can you help me maintain clear boundaries? This way you get her to buy in, right? You get her to hear you so that she understands, oh, my best friend is now a new leader and I can't get away with this crap anymore and I respect her and I want to make sure that she knows I respect her. So yes, I will communicate with her. I will help her set these new boundaries. I want her to succeed, right? And so this is how you clearly communicate what it is you want in these relationships.21:19 So now on the matter of asserting authority, this is where it begins. You're setting clear boundaries. This is you asserting authority, and this is you being consistent. This is you being a woman of your word. This is you understanding that there is an identity gap from where you were before to now this new manager leader position. And so it's important that you start behaving as such. You're stepping into this new identity. We have to close this gap from this old identity, and this is how you start asserting authority and you start better understanding your role. You start paying attention to what your employees are telling you through their behaviors. You start listening a little closer to what they're telling you. And this also looks like having to read between the lines. Let me tell you, we are communication experts as leaders, we are relationship experts.22:15 As leaders, we are always looking at our employees to tell us what they're really, really thinking through their behaviors and the results they're creating. Listen, leadership is not an easy role. It is truly a privilege to be in this position that you're in. And so I want for you to know that you're not alone. I fully understand that challenges you're facing as a new leader, and I'm here to support you dear one. So please reach out to me. Let me know what insights you're taking from this episode, and then let's consider working together. Would love to support you on your journey wherever you are on your leadership path. All right, dear leader, I hope you found today's episode helpful. I have run out of time for you today, but I'm so glad we had an opportunity to open up the dialogue on how to move from peer to leader. This is very essential for your success as a leader. All right, dear leader, take good care. Have a wonderful rest of your week, and I can't wait to serve you on our next episode. Take good care and bye for now. Hey, leader, do you want weekly leadership tips, coaching and training straight to your email inbox? Yeah, I thought so. Head over to dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Again, that's dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Just submit your name and your email address and we'll get started right away. I look forward to serving you inside your email inbox. See you soon.
