00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power so they can lead like visionaries, influence with grace, and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems navigating their success in life, business and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.00:46 Hey, welcome back leader. I'm so excited to be here with you. We took a few months off to reprioritize some things in the business, and I'm excited to be back, to be serving you again. Although I didn't stop serving our clients and our students inside the institute, and I certainly didn't stop serving my corporate clients as well as my executive leader clients. I had so much to take care of that I needed to put some things on the back burner. And the podcast was one of those things. Listen, I'm only human and I don't have energy for a lot of things at once. And so I had to really look at the season I was at during that time and made a very, very hard decision to say, let's put this on the back burner. We'll come back when I can give it 1000% of my energy.01:42 It wasn't about time really, it was mostly about the energy that I was giving to the podcast, um, what I couldn't give it at that moment. And so fast forward to today and I'm excited to be back here committed to serving you. So if you and I don't get a chance to work together, at least you have this podcast show to turn to for resources should you need any support on your leadership journey. So with all that said, I'm happy to talk to you about a very important topic that plagues many women leaders, no matter where they are on their path of leadership, no matter how much formal education or training they have received, no matter where they are on that corporate ladder, imposter syndrome is something that we all experience. It's almost like the common denominator for us women leaders, no matter where we are on that leadership ladder.02:51 And from the aspiring leader who hasn't actually joined leadership or hasn't actually climbed the first rung of the leadership ladder to the emerging leader, she's in her position, a formal title she's been in for about a year, and she is exhausted because she is constantly overcoming self-doubt. She's constantly questioning her authority. She is feeling overworked, undermined, disrespected, and so many other emotions. I also see this in mid-level managers or leaders. These are folks who have, you know, been around the block a few times and they've been in their careers for a good bit and they are now facing a new level of scrutiny and they're confused. They're questioning their abilities now, which, and maybe some of them didn't question their abilities before, but something has changed. The culture has shifted. Things have changed outside of our bodies, external circumstances, the world at large. So many things that are impacting us ex from the external world into our internal landscape.04:07 And we're now beginning to question our abilities. This I also see in executive leaders, this is something that, um, is triggered by a lot of interesting conversations with peers. Sometimes it's a peer who doesn't believe that you should have this role of, of an executive leader. Sometimes it is the leader themselves who's questioning a senior level or executive level leader. And so there comes these moments through conversations, through relationship that this leader is is told something, something is said to her, she interprets that information as she's not good enough and that she doesn't belong in that room, and that there's something seriously wrong with her and that she's a fraud and they're gonna, they're gonna see right through her and they're gonna kick her out in no time. So it's interesting to see the, these, these power dynamic relationships occurring at all levels of leadership.05:18 So when I say that there is this common denominator that we all share, this is it the imposter syndrome. So I wanna talk a little bit about this because inside the Masters of Leadership Institute, we are celebrating the summer of authenticity. Now what's the opposite of authentic fraud? A fraud fraudulence. This is the summer, June, July and August where we have curriculum planned events, planned panel discussions planned for our clients inside the institute. And this is the month where we focus on the imposter syndrome because from this month we just build upon this great curriculum. We have a specific theme in July and another specific theme in August, but it is all building upon this month's theme on imposter syndrome. And so I wanted to kick us off with this podcast episode. So that should you be interested in joining us, you will have the information to join us in the show notes because you are going to come out of this summer feeling empowered because you have unraveled some of this neurology.06:41 You have seen for yourself the layers of socialization caused by society and organizational cul culture that's outdated, that's antiquated, that quite frankly is dangerous. And here we are, strong, powerful women leaders. But when we show up in the world after doing all this work, after getting all these degrees and formal training and and, and doing everything we had to do to get these leadership positions, society or even our culture and our organizational culture, that's again, toxic and dangerous tells us, no, you don't belong here. Actually, all that hard work, actually you didn't earn that. You only got that because you're a woman of color or you are a woman leader. The only reason why you got this position is because of d e I efforts, diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts. There were goals that the organization had to meet. So you're just one of those goals.07:45 And so here we are reminded and we're reminded through others' behaviors and actions that are driven by their bias against women leaders. So before we get started, I want to make sure that you understand this is normal number one. There is nothing wrong with you, my friend. This is normal organizations from the inception of organizations in the 19 hundreds, women were not considered assets. We were not considered human capital. We were never considered being in the workforce, much less climbing these ladders that we have, you know, in the last a hundred years. I want for you to understand that there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling today. You are made to feel like a fraud, like an imposter because the industrial revolution was never intended for us. But here we are, here we are contributing our gifts, our talents, our brilliance, and we're contributing to our families, to our communities, to our organizations.09:03 And unfortunately, some things haven't caught up with what women are doing today. So number one, there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing has gone wrong with you. And number two, you will have the tools by the end of our session today, you will have the tools to reframe these circumstances, to reframe these very uncomfortable, maybe even challenging conversations or relationship that you're doing in the organization. You will have the tools to reframe any of those circumstances in the future so that you can keep your power. I want for you to keep your power. And how we keep our power is by reframing negative situations. So those are two things I want for you to take with you as we carry on today. So let's begin with what the imposter syndrome is. First of all, it's not a diagnosis. It should be, I think it might as well be, it has claimed a lot of amazing women.10:11 It really has a lot of my peers, a lot of my clients. Every time I coach with a client, it has to do with a relationship in the organization. Maybe a relationship in their, in their families or in their intimate partnerships where she is processing words that were told to her in a way that shows she's disrespected, she's undermined, she is overworked. She then is processing this information in her brain and she's making it mean that there's something wrong with her. Their behaviors, their words, their actions as she's processing them is making it mean that she's not worthy or that she is not confident or that she should not be in the room. And so, imposter syndrome, like I said, it's not an official diagnosis, but it should be. It really should be. It was actually coined by two psychologists back in the seventies. These were two female psychologists that were counseling these academic professors, administrators, and graduate students.11:34 They were counseling them. And what they found to be true among this group is that they were concerned with being exposed as frauds. See, again, no matter what level they were in, no matter who they were, no matter what educational background or, you know, leadership role or administrative role or whatever role they identified with, it didn't matter. Those three primary groups, academic professors, administrators and students, all had the common denominator that they were concerned with being exposed as frauds. They felt like they got lucky, they got lucky to be there, that it had nothing to do with their credentials. It had nothing to do with their hard earned work. That it had everything to do with an external circumstance and luck being one of them. So imposter syndrome is really a, a form of self-doubt. And it's when a high achieving individual like you and I, we are unable to accept our successes and we credit luck instead of our own skills and accomplishments.12:54 That's what imposter syndrome is. It's a form of self-doubt. What's the opposite of self-doubt? Self-confidence. So you and I may be walking into an interview confident, you know, the chances of us not getting that job, you know, pretty high, their job market saturated, a lot of people, a lot of great people are looking for, for these positions. And but, but we still have self-confidence. And then we get the job. Let's just say for example, we then win that job over all the other candidates and then we start working through our daily interactions with our employees, with our peers, and some kind of conversation takes place. Something very uncomfortable takes place. And then you start questioning whether you have the right skills or the right training or the right education to be there because you have made it mean something about yourself. And then the thoughts begin to ruminate.13:56 Well, you know, my network got me here or so and so in my network got me here. It was just luck. Oh my gosh, I I don't even belong here. I'm just lucky to be here. How many times have you said that either because a network, someone in your network referred you or you believe that you just got lucky that the stars were aligned, that everything worked in your favor. Again, looking at external circumstances contributing to you working in this position or getting this position. Nevermind it had anything to do with your leadership capabilities or your education or your years of experience. All your brain is focused on is how you got there through external circumstances, not by your means, not by your willingness, not by your sacrifices, but that others had everything to do with you being in that position. That is ultimately what the imposter syndrome is.14:59 You believe that you have fooled others into thinking that you're more skilled than you are. I mean, I know that there's times where I walk into a boardroom and I am pitching a six figure contract and I feel like I'm about to fool some people. But then I have to remind my brain that that six figure fee that I am requesting is because of decades of experience as a leader. Not only as a hands in the clay leader, like, like you my friend, but as a researcher, as a consultant, as someone who is obsessed and passionate about this industry. Because I have the tools to solve the problems for these organizations and these leaders. I give you the fee, I tell you what my leadership value is worth, and either you pay it or you don't. And there's nothing wrong with me. I won't make it mean anything about me.16:03 If you don't hire me, I will not do that to myself. But let me tell you something, my friends, this is something I still battle with it. A moment of this imposter syndrome comes up probably a few seconds before I actually walk in the door. And then I have to remind my brain, no, you're here because of your leadership value. You're here because of the evidence list. Now it's time to sell. And now it's time to compel them into buying your services. So I have to train my brain every time. This is an, this is an occurrence. It's, it's a monthly, weekly occurrence where I have to do that to my brain and it's just gently redirecting my attention to really who the fuck I am. I have to remember who the fuck I am when I walk into a door and when I walk into a boardroom, when I walk into an organization.17:01 But it has taken me years of experience to build that muscle in my brain. And so if you're saying I'm not there yet, I don't even know how to do that, that's okay. You are in the right place. My friends, you know, something else that we, you know, credit others, I mentioned it earlier. We credit others, especially our network. I mean, this is why women build networks. We're always looking for a support system. We're looking for mentorship. We're looking for sponsorship. We're just looking for peers that we can relate to that we can talk about our concerns with women that we can call up and say, Hey, you know, I know you work for this organization and I'm actually looking at this leadership role. What can you tell me about it? Right? We're always expanding our network. And that's something that women leaders have complained to me about, that they don't have enough people to be mentored by or sponsored by or even have a, a professional relationship with.18:05 So we spend a great deal of time expanding our network. And then when we do and we actually use and leverage our network and we get a job because of a great referral or recommendation from someone in our network, we then think we're there because of them. Now raise your hand. Tell me, has that happened to you before? Now listen, if you're in a high powered, highly visible position, the chances of your network being huge is, is pretty big, right? It's pretty big. And using your net is really what that's for. It's to leverage the people in our professional lives. And when we do, and when we get these leadership roles and something happens and we're activated, we're triggered by a conversation, again, by a relationship, a difficult one, we then start questioning our abilities, our skills. Do I really belong here? I'm just an imposter.19:06 Actually, I got here because of so-and-so. She's the one who referred me to this position. I just, I just, I shouldn't be here. They're gonna figure me out and I'm gonna disappoint people. I'm gonna dis disappoint my network. I'm gonna disappoint my friend who, who referred me here. I wanna look like an idiot. I don't wanna embarrass myself. So these are the thoughts that are going through our minds when the imposter syndrome comes up. So I want for you to start identifying when moments like this have occurred. And you may be in a, in a situation today where you're feeling this, where something just happened and it is fresh on your mind and in your nervous system. And I just want for you again to understand that there's nothing wrong with you and nothing has gone wrong. This is normal, my friend, it's normal. So I want for you to start paying close attention to past circumstances, to situations that have ha that have occurred in your professional life and what you did in those moments.20:19 Did you leave the organization? Did you resign because something that happened? Or was it an accumulation of circumstances that finally pushed you out of the organization? Maybe you left the workforce and went straight into entrepreneurship like I did. Or did you just leave the workforce and go home and, and be a stay-at-home mom? What happened in that situation? And it's important that we recall that situation so that you stay conscious of how you reacted to an uncomfortable situation like this. So know that again, you're, you're, there's nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly fine my friend. And then number two, we're gonna talk about some ways for you to stay conscious so that you're able to reflect on it as it's happening. You are able to process what's going on in your body so that you can then reframe it so that you get stronger.21:23 You start building this muscle for yourself. So before we get into that, I want to talk about the four imposter wisdoms, four imposter wisdoms. This, these are just some examples and ways that this shows up in your professional life. Let's talk about number one, anxiety. Listen, I live with it, I sleep with it, I carry it in a purse. Anxiety is my friend. Listen, my brain is wired to be a skeptic. I think it took many years to wire it in this way. And, and the reason why is because I'm a researcher. I'm always challenging what is being reported. I'm challenging the data. I'm challenging who is the author of the data. I'm always looking at the world in this contrarian way. So when you tell me something is true, I always come back with this question. But is it ? But is it ?22:27 But is it really, you'll hear me say that if we are in a client relationship, because I'm always pushing and challenging what your brain and my brain are telling us. I want to challenge society. I wanna challenge the culture. I wanna challenge organizational culture. I am naturally pushing. And when I push, there's a level of anxiety that comes through because no, I don't wanna look like an idiot. I don't wanna embarrass you, I don't wanna embarrass myself. I don't wanna, you know, be seen as pushy and assertive. But these are the attributes that I have. But yes, I care about what others think and so therefore I have a level of anxiety that I live with. What does that look like for you? Is that something you experience? Anxiety of being found out, anxiety, of disappointing others, the anxiety of people pleasing, the anxiety of leading without the proper training, without the proper skills.23:28 Are you experiencing some kind of variation or level of anxiety? So pay close attention to that my friend. Number two, let's move on to perfectionism. How many of you stay in procrastination? Because you're blaming it on being a perfectionist. You say, I need it to be a plus. I need it to be perfect. I can't start that, that new, you know, that new job. Or I can't start my my entrepreneurship journey because it has to be perfect. I have to be perfect. I have to be the perfect weight, I have to look the perfect part. I have to have the perfect training before I go and ask for this negotiation. Or before I go ask for this pay increase. How does perfectionism show up in your life? Because when you feel like an imposter, that directly buds up against not being, averaged, not being like everybody because you have something to prove to others.24:26 So you need to show up 10 levels above the average person and 10 levels above the average person is a perfectionist. So pay close attention how perfectionist shows up for you. Okay, let's move to number three, self-doubt. Imposter syndrome is a form of self-doubt. Remember I said the opposite of self-doubt is self-confidence. So how does self-doubt show up for you? Is it when you're presenting among your peers? Are you presenting to your leader? Are you providing your leader with financial reports and you're not very comfortable in reading financial reports, you're not very skilled in the budget or skilled in that area yet, and you have bouts of self-doubt. This is normal. Self-doubt comes through when you have butted up against the edges of your comfort level. When you have pushed the extremes of your boundaries, your nervous system will react in a certain way. And then the flood of thoughts that cause the feeling of self, self-doubt comes through.25:37 So self-doubt can even come through when you are in training. I have a lot of clients in the institute who come for leadership training and development and they start feeling self-doubt when they start realizing that their, their leadership gaps are really wide, that they need more training than they actually believed they needed. So know that self-doubt is going to come into place. You will have this reaction of self-doubt when you're neurology starts expanding, when you start budding up against your comfort levels. So that's number three, self doubt. Let's move to number four, fear of failure. Ooh, this is a big one for me because as an entrepreneur coming from academics into entrepreneurship, I have had to adjust my sales to going right into the headwinds of failure. I have gotten very comfortable with rejection, I've gotten very comfortable with being told hell no. I've gotten very comfortable with the lack of knowledge that I have as an entrepreneur, as a C E O.26:53 I'm still learning, I'm still growing, and I have come to terms with expecting failure to happen. This is a necessity if you wanna grow and expand as a leader. So where are you fearing failure? Is it in a upcoming campaign or a project in your organization? Maybe you are a nonprofit leader. Maybe you are fearful that your mission, your passion will not see light of day because you know, because you just fear you don't have the right skills to lead a board, to lead a movement. How is fear of failure showing up for you? So think about these four imposter wisdoms. Number one again, was anxiety. Number two was perfectionism. Number three is self-doubt. And number four, fear of failure. So when you experience one or a few or all of these imposter rhythms, what effect or impact do you have as a leader? You know, when I experience these things, I'm not very effective.28:10 My brain is clouded, my nervous system is activated. I don't show up as myself. I'm not authentic. I'm somebody else, therefore being a fraud. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy being a fraud. So now I wanna turn your attention to staying conscious. When uncomfortable circumstances happen to you, I want for you to remain calm and tell yourself, nothing's gone wrong. I'm perfectly fine. This is expected. I am pushing the boundaries of my neurology. I'm pushing the boundaries of my comfort level. This is what's happening. And that is okay. So that's the first thing I want for you to come to terms with. The next thing I want for you to really think about is this. I want for you to challenge your negative self-talk. This is really important. I don't want for you to believe everything your brain tells you because when I meet with you or I meet with a client, you're speaking to me like it's, it's the truth.29:18 Like these are facts. It's as if you're reporting the news to me and that's where my skepticism, my contrarian view starts pushing back at you. And I wanna challenge your negative self-talk. I wanna challenge your negative belief systems and then I'm gonna ask you to find me evidence of all of the great work that you've done to support your decisions As a leader. I want for you to tell me all the reasons why you deserve to be in this position. This is the first thing you are you and I will talk about is challenging your negative self-talk. But if we don't get to meet and we don't get to work with each other, I want for you to do this for yourself. So that's strategy number one. I want you to challenge your negative self-talk. The second thing I want for you to do, I want for you to stay conscious of your values as a leader, I do a really great values elicitation exercise with my leadership clients where we put them on display, we put them so that your brain sees them every day.30:25 These are the values that are important to me as a leader because these values drive every decision you make and they're on unconscious to you until we bring them to the conscious awareness through coaching. So I want for you to, to practice this. This is strategy number two. Stay conscious of your values. If you don't know what they are, I just want for you to ask yourself, get a pen, paper and ask yourself what is important to me about leadership? And then list that a few times and ask yourself a few times. List as many that come out from your brain as possible just without even thinking about it. Just let them just pour out, okay? Don't overthink it. Just pour them out of your brain. And then I want for you to take a closer look at what you've listed and then put them in in a hierarchy.31:12 Number one being the most important. Pick your top three and those are your most important values as a leader. Stay conscious of your values because your values are your moral compass. They're those are your north, it's your north star. Is this what drives you forward? And when your values are filled with integrity and with respect and with compassion for your employees or your constituents or your community members, you can't go wrong my friend. I want for you to look at that values list and remind yourself, I'm a great person. These things are important to me. This is how I lead this organization or this board would be so fortunate, so fortunate to have me as their leader. So use your values as a way to anchor your nervous system so that when uncomfortable situations happen, you're gonna go back, stay conscious, look at your list and say, these are my values and this is what I stand for.32:13 And every decision I make is because of these values and I'm gonna come back tomorrow. I may feel very uncomfortable, but I'm still going to show up because these are the values are important to me. That's number two. Number three, my friend, I want you to celebrate your achievements as often as you can. Record them, put 'em in a journal. Make sure you go back to them when you need them. When your brain a reminding, here are my celebrations, here are my wins, here are my accomplishments. Here's what one person told me. Here's how I moved another person. Here's I how I transformed this person's life. Here's what we've done in the community here, right here in my face. I'm staying conscious by recording these celebrations and achievements. And I'm going to remind my brain and my nervous system that it is okay to win and that it is okay to feel accomplished.33:09 This is who I am and this is what I deserve. So that's strategy number three. And our last strategy is I want for you to normalize failure and your setbacks. I said this earlier, failures should be expected. And without failure, how do you grow and expand? I want for you to make mistakes and failing as part of your growth mindset. This is what we growth mindset leaders focus on all the time with our employees. We are transparent about our humanity, our humanness, which includes failures and setbacks. And we also are compassionate in our employees failures and setbacks. So failure is feedback, failure is feedback is now your new affirmation. And I want for you to remember, these are just data points. Data on a line graph telling you what you did and what was the relationship to what actions you took. That's it. That's what failure should mean to you moving forward.34:22 All right, my friend, I know that was a lot. Let me cover those strategies one more time and then I'm gonna invite you into the institute. So number one, challenge your negative self-talk. I'm gonna do that anyway during our coaching session. So you're gonna start doing that. Strategy number two, stay conscious of your values. Your values are your moral compass strategy. Number three, you're gonna celebrate your wins and achievements. I'm with you, my friend, I'm gonna celebrate you so you come into the institute so I can get to know you and celebrate you as often as I can. Strategy number four, I want for you to normalize failure and setbacks. Failure is feedback. They're just data points on a line graph. That is it. Our right. Dear leader, join us inside the Masters of Leadership Institute. This is going to be the summer of authenticity.35:14 We are going to overcome imposter syndrome this week, July is going to be Sovereign Leader Month. We're gonna talk about your freedom to be who you are, to love who you want to show up as you want, because we've done the great work this month in June. August is equality month. Women's Equality day is in August. So all things equal pay, equal parody, all things to equalize. Our organizations will take place in August, and you're gonna want to join us all summer long. So check out the show notes. I want for you to click on that link and join us as soon as possible. I cannot wait to serve you dear leader. And remember, nothing has gone wrong. You are normal. Everything is on track. You are supposed to feel this way because you are stretching the boundaries of your neurology. Good for you. That means you're growing. All right, dear Your leader, I will see you inside the institute. Take good care. Bye for now. Hey, leader, do you want weekly leadership tips, coaching and training straight to your email inbox? Yeah, I thought so. Head over to dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Again, that's dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Just submit your name and your email address and we'll get started right away. I look forward to serving you inside your email inbox. See you soon.
