00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power so they can lead like visionaries, influence with grace, and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems navigating their success in life, business and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.00:46 A welcome back leader, happy you are here because I wanna talk about the great breakup, the breakup that is happening in your mind right now. The breakup that you are considering right now, the breakup that may have already taken place in your brain before it's even happened in reality, that great breakup is the breakup between you and your organization. So there was the great resignation during the pandemic. We're now looking at the great breakup, and this is showing that women, women leaders in particular, are switching jobs at the highest rates that we have ever seen before. And guess what? Ambitious young women are doing the same. So those on the hierarchy of leadership, those, uh, at the highest rung of that leadership ladder are switching fast and quick. And the younger ambitious women that are starting their journey are looking at what's happening with these women at the higher levels of that ladder.01:59 And they're also thinking, maybe I should do the same. Maybe this is what I should do. I'm not satisfied here. I am not appreciated here. I am undermined here. I feel so much overwhelmed here. I'm just disrespected here. And the microaggressions, while they're pretty blatant, and I don't wanna deal with that either. So we have what's very interesting, both ends of the pipeline, the women entering leadership. Again, the broken rung is what we talked about just a few episodes before that broken rung for new managers. These are women coming from entry level employment into that management role. So that's a first rung on that leadership ladder. And it's broken, and I talked about that. So we're looking at both ends of that ladder and we're in trouble. So the women in mid-career, mid leadership career are going, what is happening? My superiors are leaving. And these new, younger, ambitious emerging leaders are leaving too.03:11 What is happening? And so the difference, again, between the great breakup we're having and the great resignation, is that the great breakup is really having women think about, rethink and redefine their purpose as leaders. And they're looking at institutions or organizations that are in, in greater alignment with their purpose and their values. So they're switching jobs. They're not leaving the workforce like the great Designators did during the pandemic. There are many variables that affected that and contributed to the great resignation. But here we're now, I mean, we're still in Covid. I I still have family members that are suffering from Covid Covid right now. So we're still in this, you know, COVID era, but we are in this emerging out of covid time in, in our, in our season. And so what's happening is that women aren't leaving the workforce entirely. They are switching jobs very quickly.04:16 Why? Because there's a lot of openings, according to some of my clients. Some of my clients are contemplating leaving their institutions, leaving their organizations to go to another one. So here's what's interesting is that organizations are recruiting top level leaders. They are recruiting women, they are enticing them, they are compelling them. They are paying them 10 times at some places more than they were being paid underpaid in their current institutions. It is so interesting what's happening right now, and I'm watching this firsthand as I am coaching my clients and discussing their contemplation, their consideration of leaving their current institutions or organizations to go and work for somewhere else. But I have to warn everybody, the grass is not greener on the other side. Okay? Grass may not be better on the other side of that fence, right? Because, so here we are in this organization and we're looking at all of the trouble.05:23 We're looking at all the challenges. We're looking at all the BS that we've had to endure and that we're still enduring. We're looking at d e i policies that are failing. We're looking at, you know, uh, you know, gender gaps, widening, uh, you know, all kinds of disparities happening, right? So here you are thinking these things in your current institution, and you're looking on the other side of the fence and you're saying to yourself, I wonder if it's better there. I actually heard it was better over there. Well, you know, I, I have a friend who works there and she said, it's actually really great. So interesting how that side of the fence, the other side of the fence looks really promising, but you don't know for sure if it is, you are investigating, you are interviewing, you are asking others who are employed there.06:20 What do you think? What is it like? And they're giving you their personal biased opinions. And so I want us to slow down for just a moment. If you are in a position where you are contemplating the great breakup with your current employer, I want to help you rethink this idea. Now, listen, I'm a coach. I'm going to present to you all sides of, of the situation. I don't see it as black and white. I see it all shades of gray, especially when we're dealing with humans and their minds. You have many choices. You have many ways to think about a situation, and this is why the title of this episode is rethink the Great Breakup. So if you are in a place where you've had it, you can no longer bear this employer. You are suffocating, you are ready to roll, okay? And you are headhunting, you are looking, you are being recruited.07:25 You are asking around, where would I best fit? Where's the best fit for my, for my values and my purpose as a leader? Okay? I get it. You're there. You're on the cusp, you're on the edge of that boundary. I get it my friend. So I want for you to take on or consider taking on a new way of thinking of this, okay? Now, stay with me, my friend. Stay with me. I don't want to lose you at this point. You may have already made up your mind, and that's great. Listen, I will support you no matter what you do. That's my job as your coach, but my job as your coach, and I would be doing a disservice to you if I did not present a reframe for this situation. Okay? So rethinking the great breakup looks like slowing down and looking at this whole situation as a relationship.08:24 Listen, I love this term that they used the great breakup, right? Like we women are breaking up with our horrible, toxic lovers, partners, spouses, whatever. That's so interesting. I bet it was a non-female who made up that stupid label, the great breakup. Anyway, that's my side note, my brain. Uh, side note on that, but I want for you to think of this as the relationship. It's a big relationship, isn't it? It the relationship between you and your employer. Now, hear me out. You spend easily 50 plus hours a week working for your employer. Am I right? 50 plus maybe. Now, you may be physically in the office for 40 hours, but the other 10 plus hours, you're contemplating, you're ruminating, you're thinking about things at home. Yeah, you're probably taking things home, right? You may not be doing physical work for the employer, but you are definitely ruminating and you're spinning with thoughts, and you're spinning with judgment, and you're spinning with all kinds of feelings.09:37 So trust me, the 10 plus hours a week that you're doing for and working for this employer are happening in your brain, in your home. So if we're looking at this as a relationship, a very important one, your employer provides you with a salary. Your, your employer also provides you with health insurance, with your retirement plan, with other incentives to work for them. That's a big relationship. Yeah. You're exchanging time for the money, you're exchanging your energy for that money. You are exchanging your value for that money. So that's a big relationship. It's an important one. But there is no greater relationship than the relationship that you have with yourself. Okay? Stay with me. You, my friend, are in a relationship with yourself, with your body, with your money, the relationship you have with food, the relationship you have with your in-laws, the intimate relationship you have, or your extended family relationships.10:52 You are in a relationship with many entities. You're in a relationship with the government. You're paying your taxes, aren't you? That's a relationship. You also have a relationship with your culture. You take your culture everywhere you go, don't you? You have a, a relationship with so many entities, but there is no greater relationship than the relationship that you have with your own self because it's not about you and how shitty that employer is. It is not about you and how whacked out your in-laws are. It is not about you and your relationship with your lover. It is about you and you, the relationship you have with yourself. I'm talking about how you want to think about entities, how you want to think about your relationship with your employer. So the great breakup happens because we have expectations of our employer that are not being met, right?11:57 Reality is saying, yeah, that's, you're not meeting my standards, you're not meeting my expectations. I gotta go. But here's what I wanna say. You get to change the relationship in your mind about your employer. I know some of you're like, this is crazy, Denise, are you crazy? No, I am not. You can change any relationship that you want in your own mind. It is the thoughts that you are having about that relationship that is causing that fallout. It is causing that, you know, challenge or that difficulty that you're having. So I ha as you know, I coach my executive level clients on life and leadership. So yes, I am their executive coach, but we also coach on life stuff. And here's what's very interesting. You know, I have these high performing top level executives and they excel in the workplace, but there are things in their personal lives that aren't being met.13:05 And sometimes it's a marriage, sometimes it's an intimate relationship that is not working out. They're putting all of their time, effort, emphasis on the workplace and not putting time, effort, or emphasis on their intimate relationships. And so divorce happens, separation happens, a battle in the courtroom happens. And so I tell my clients, you know, it only takes one person to change a relationship. And that's when my clients go, okay, uh, you're crazy . And it is true. This is of course, if boundaries weren't crossed, okay, listen, if there's a boundary that's crossed in my marriage, trust me, he will be out the door. That's just, that's it. Boundaries have been set, an agreement has been set. You cross that boundary, you break that boundary, you're out. These are non-negotiables for me, okay? So I'm not saying stay in an abusive or, uh, you know, a challenging toxic marriage or relationship because you know, it only takes one person to change this.14:13 No, if boundaries have been broken, then you, my friend, get to do whatever you want to do from there. But if there is a relationship like the one you are having with your employer, listen, if boundaries have not been crossed with your employer, then you, my friend, are able to look at this situation differently. And I'm gonna quickly walk you through how simple this process can be. So I want for you to take out a sheet of paper, and I want for you to list out your current thoughts about your employer thoughts that you're having. Some of of these thoughts may have turned into beliefs depending on how quickly you formed a thought into your neurology, how quickly you integrated that into a belief. I want for you to list this so that your brain can see the thoughts that you're having about your employer.15:11 I also want for you to list out some of the feelings that come up for you when you think these thoughts. So we're gonna list the thoughts that you have. We're going to also list the feelings that are coming up for you as you were thinking these thoughts. And then I want for you to write down the actions that you are taking or not taking because of these feelings that you're having. And if they are negative feelings, they're going to cause certain actions for you to take. But what I want for your brain to look at right now is this list of things that you're thinking about, what you believe about your employer, how you're feeling because of those thoughts and the actions or inactions you're taking from those thoughts. This is just self-awareness, my friend. That's what we're doing here. I want for you to also ask yourself, are these thoughts true?16:21 Is there evidence for these thoughts being true? Or is my brain making up a story? Is it confusing it for fiction? Is it confusing it for facts? What is happening here? What exactly is true about this thought? Now listen, your brain's gonna go find evidence for how crappy your employer is, but this is where we take an impartial spectator approach, right? This is just you rising above 30,000 feet above the situation so that you can think clearly. Because remember when emotions are high, especially those negative ones, logic is low. And listen, you are a brilliant woman leader, okay? And we use logic and yes, emotion, but when the brain is flooded and the body is flooded with negative emotions, we cannot think clearly. And that's what this exercise does for us. It helps us look at what is fact and what is fiction in regards to your employer.17:31 And then I want for you to then think, is this a relationship that I can really change, like Denise says? And if so, what would I want to think instead? And then list out the thoughts that you wanna have about your employer. Remember when you signed up, remember when you were hired, remember when you applied initially? Remember when you were so excited about this opportunity? Remember about the opportunity to work for someone amazing. Remember this? This feeling of leading your team to great heights, great levels that the organization had never seen before. Do you remember those feelings? What were those thoughts that you had when you first started in this organization? And can I think those thoughts again? Well, of course you can think whatever you want. This is why I'm just offering a different way of looking at this great breakup. So if you are contemplating this right now, my friend, you can rethink the relationship you are having with your employer.18:47 It's an important one, but the relationship you want to have that's stronger is the relationship you have with yourself. What do I wanna think? What do I want to feel instead? What actions do I wanna take from these feelings of feeling empowered, of feeling certain, of feeling confident that I'm with the right employer, right? So you get to decide what you wanna do next. Again, as your coach, I would be doing a disservice to you if I didn't offer a an alternative way of looking at the great breakup, because here's what's important to me, and I know it is important to you. You, my friend, want to have agency over your brain. You have 65,000 plus thoughts a day. And if you're anything like me, it's 90,000 easily. I'm easily in the 90,000 thoughts a day, but I get to choose intentionally what I want to think and how I wanna feel about the relationships I have in my life. That's the agency that you want to have over your thoughts. Thoughts don't just happen to you, they'll happen to you, and they'll create very interesting results in your life if you let them. But we are deliberate and we are intentional leaders. So we decide on what we wanna think and how we wanna feel about the relationships we have, especially the relationship we have with a very important entity, our employer.20:27 And plus, one last thing I'll leave you with. Ah, I'm a little selfish. I want more women in this pipeline of leadership. Listen, I want for the newer, emerging, aspiring, invigorated female employee to come in strong with lots of momentum. I want her to feel inspired because she sees you at the top of that hierarchy because she sees you as a representation of what women can accomplish in that organization. That's what I want for her, and I want for you who's at the top of that mountain to feel fulfilled, to feel rewarded, to feel purposeful in her role as a leader in that organization. I want the best for every single woman on the pipeline of leadership, and I as your coach, am helping you see things in a different way. Now, it's up to you how you wanna move forward in this relationship, and I trust that whatever you decide is best for you. All right, my friend, I am wishing you a fantastic week ahead. Drop me your dms over on Instagram. Would love to hear from you at Dr. Denise Simpson. All right, take good care. Bye for now. Hey, leader, do you want weekly leadership tips, coaching and training straight to your email inbox? Yeah, I thought so. Head over to dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Again, that's dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Just submit your name and your email address and we'll get started right away. I look forward to serving you inside your email inbox. See you soon.
