00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master live and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power so they can lead like visionaries, influence with grace, and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems navigating their success in life, business and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.00:47 Welcome back, leader. Listen, I love talking to you every single week. This is the most fun for me. I get to escape from my office, escape from family priorities, escape from business priorities, and I come into my podcast studio and I am one on one with you. That's what it feels like. It feels like I'm coaching you. It feels like you are in person. We are in person together. You are sitting across from me, and I am talking to one of my amazing clients. This is how I treat every single podcast episode. And so today's no different because today I wanna talk to you about self-concept. This idea of self-concept is really, really important, especially for those of us that are moving from one level into another level. So if you're an aspirational leader and you're moving into an emerging leader status, meaning you have made your first move into a leadership role, and you now have to identify as an official leader with duties and obligations of this role, which you did not have before.01:58 So right there, there's a gap. Sometimes it's a leap, right? From one rung to the next rung on that ladder, and sometimes that rung is an easy step up, and sometimes it feels like three steps up. And it all has to do with your self concept. And this looks like what do you believe in yourself? It also looks like your leadership identity. It has to do with your convictions as a leader, as a human who's leading other humans. So it has so much to do with what do you believe about yourself? And sometimes that rung, that next rung feels really simple, but then you get to that next step, and then things start to fall apart because your self-concept has been challenged and it has been challenged by circumstances, by situations in the workplace, by relationships with your peers or your subordinates, conflict within the team, performance, measurement issues.03:10 Whatever conflict or struggle or situation that you face may just may rock your footing. It may get you to fall off that rung. And there you are hanging for dear life. And this just tells us that we just need to work on our self-concept a little bit more. And I have to tell you, this is an ongoing work in progress. This isn't like a college diploma. You get it. It's hung on the wall. You never have to do any work towards that again, right? No, this is ongoing work because as you are moving from level to level in your life, whether you are a business owner, founder, entrepreneur, like me, we are always reaching for the next level. Not because there's a hole in our hearts or a hole in our souls. It's because we know we can achieve greatness. And so we're always looking ahead, right?04:03 We're enjoying where we're at, but we're always looking at, Well, wouldn't it be nice to move it to that next level? And so we're scaling, we're moving upward. We are looking for other ways to serve people and also get some revenue and profit into the business. And so here you are moving into new levels of success and what they say, new level, new devil. Oh, that's one of my favorite sayings. New level, new devil. That's because you're stretching the boundaries of your neurology. And your neurology looks like your beliefs, your thoughts, your leadership identity or your identity as a business owner. It has so much to do with your conditioning and programming. All of the things that were embedded in our neurology when we were children, what society has told us we can or cannot do. The beliefs that were never ours, but were embedded in us by our well-intended parents and communities and subcultures.05:08 And so all of that has to do with stretching the boundaries of your current neurology. So new level, new devil looks like, Whoa, self-concept is rocked. Thought I had it down, but now I'm being stretched. Now the boundaries are moving. Now the goal post has moved a little further on a little beyond reach. And now we have to look at what do I need to do to level up? Does it look like getting my mindset right? Of course, always . Side note, mindset is always, always what you're gonna look at first. This will determine your success as a leader. Hands down, no question about it, my friend, because there are not enough actions that you can take that will overcome the imposter syndrome. Honestly, truly mindset is the foundation work. This is why I said this is the work that's ongoing. It is not like a college diploma, okay?06:11 I've got lots of 'em. They're on my walls. But that means digitally squat when it comes to leveling my neurology, right? Reaching another level of success, stretching my boundaries as a business owner, as a leader in my community and in my family. So I have to do the work, and I do the mindset work every single day. And I do it willingly. I do it with optimism. I do it with hopefulness because I wake up just like you do with lots of running thoughts, right? Undercurrents, which is at the unconscious level, right? Beliefs that we didn't know we had until we create a result in our lives and ask ourselves, What the hell happened? How did this happen? Oh crap. It's because of a belief I had that I did not know was there. The results in your life will uncover all of your unconscious programming, and that is your neurology, my friend.07:11 And so it's important that we do this self-concept work today. Something I personally dealt with when I leaped from a worker, professional woman leader in the workplace in higher education, I went from having a double masters in lots of credentials to moving into a doctoral program. That was a leap from working a few years, having had my master's degrees for many years. I went back to get a PhD because I wanted to teach it. I had so much experience in the workplace and I wanted to learn theory. I wanted to do research in this field. I wanted to live the academic life. It was so exciting for me to be able to use this degree, this PhD, to do that and continue my consulting business. And so I was very excited, very optimistic, hopeful that the future was gonna be different because I was going to have this PhD.08:25 So I took some time to think about what's the next level for me? What can I do next? And that's when the PhD came to mind. And then a few years of research and then applying, getting in and attending my first class. And it wasn't really until the second semester of my first year of that PhD, PhD program that I realized I was in too deep. And I even said that to myself, This is a lot. I thought I was capable. I thought I had great potential. And now I'm in this room with highly qualified peers with concepts, theoretical frameworks, things that I had never learned, obviously in undergraduate or postgraduate worker, even in the workplace. It was a level of academia that I wasn't prepared for. So I applied with, I thought a strong enough self concept of my potential. And then when I climbed that rung on that ladder and got into the program, I took a step back and said, Whoa, my footing is not grounded.09:41 Something is not right. Am I not right? Did I make a mistake? They're all looking at me. I'm the fraud. They are probably talking about me that I was the runt of the litter here and that I shouldn't have gotten into this program. I bet. I just bet they're talking about me in making a mistake, in accepting me into this program. These were the thoughts that were running through my head. I had to get a grip on the self-concept that was going to carry me through at least the end of that first year of the PhD program. I wasn't even looking at graduation. I was just looking at, can I please get through comps? We had written comps and oral comps at the end of every year to make sure that we were still qualified to move to the next year of the program. So there were measurements, there were hurdles that I needed to overcome.10:39 And every time I had to overcome one, my neurology was stretched out, my boundaries were stretched. The goal post had moved yet again. And so this was work that I did frequently to make sure that I managed, this is what I had to do, this is what I had to do all the way until the end of dissertation, publicly defending. And even on the last day of public defense, I lost my hearing . I couldn't hear what I was saying. I had a 200 plus slide presentation, a PowerPoint presentation, and I just remember my ears blowing up and I couldn't hear myself speak. It was quite embarrassing. But that was my nervous system, trying to keep me from failing, trying to keep me from putting myself in harm's way. It thought if I blow up her ears, when she can't hear herself, she's gonna have to sit down and quit.11:39 Really? It's so interesting. The brain and the nervous system just shut me down. And I pulled through and my chair, my dissertation chair, who is an exceptional human being, an amazing female leader called it people were asking questions. And she ended it for me. . I did get through a few questions, and then she saw that I was probably collapsing towards the end, and she shut shit down and said, Okay, that's enough. Thank you very much. And I was like in shock. In shock, complete shock. And I remember leaving, driving two hours to my home because I had traveled into San Antonio every Saturday for my PhD work. And I remember driving home alone and embarrassed, not proud. There was no celebration for me. I did not celebrate. I didn't have any family members in the room. I remember my husband asking if he could be there, and I said, Please, I'm just so scared.12:48 I don't want you to see me fail. Just stay home. I'll call you on my way home and I'll let you know how it goes. And I just remembered feeling so embarrassed from the public defense. My gosh, I really interesting how my brain works. But going, coming back to this idea of self-concept, the work that you have to do, because if you think of the word concept, it's really something conceived in the mind, right? Concept conceptualization, concept conception. You're looking at what's in the mind, what is perceived in the mind, what is conceived in the mind. And so when we're talking about self-concept, we're looking at what do you think about yourself? What do you believe about yourself? What are your convictions about yourself? What do you believe is a potential you have for yourself? So everything is in the mind that is until you start acting from that.13:49 And that's what we do as leaders. We take on these roles because we believe in our mind that we have a strong self concept. Now, we're not telling ourselves this isn't explicit. We're not conscious of this. This is all unconscious. Or some of us may be telling ourselves, You know what? You got it, girl. Go get it, . You can do it. And some of us have to do some negotiating with ourselves. Well, maybe you shouldn't do this. Well, if you wait too long, then the kids are gonna be really needy and they're gonna need your attention. And maybe not. Maybe I do it now because they're babies. Well, no. Well, no, I can't do it. I'm so exhausted. So there you are negotiating with your brain, but you're negotiating with your self concept. And it's not until you fully demonstrate that in your life where you see yourself as that self-concept realized manifested, physically manifested.14:49 And that was a self-concept I had to work through to earn that PhD. And now my self-concept is someone that can do very hard things, . Part of my self-concept is I can do hard things and I can overcome hard things. That's really, really part of my neurology now. And so now that I'm pitching six, seven figure contracts with major corporations and organizations, I have to remember that self-concept, right? And there's so many other beliefs that really, really gather together. It's an accumulation that make up your self-concept. And so think about that for yourself right now. Where are you in your leadership path? On your leadership path? Where are you today? Are you fully grounded? Do you have good footing? Is your foundation solid? Or are there some cracks in the foundation that you wanna look at? You wanna take a closer look at, right?15:52 Something may have happened that may have triggered you or activated you. Something may have unearthed because of a difficult conversation with an employee. Something may have unearthed because you were questioned in the organization. Some of my leadership clients are undermined, disrespected, There's microaggressions in the organization. Some of it is explicit, some implicit, and so it rocks their self concept. And so we want to look at ways to work on that today so that we prepare you for that next level or wherever else you're going. And so remember, this is ongoing work. This isn't like that degree on your wall, my friend. We're going to keep doing the self-concept work. So we look at your actions and behaviors, we look at that, and then reverse engineer to what beliefs you have. Because every result that you've created in your life, you can track it back to a belief or a thought that you have.16:59 And so if a result is you are the CEO of Fortune 100 organization, well then your belief is pretty strong about yourself. , your self concept is really, really strong because you have been working on it. You have had a path to your leadership that included working on your beliefs about yourself and the beliefs about your potential and your capacity to lead and to receive. And so if you look at a result, you can reverse engineer it to the belief that you have. So start looking at what you've created in your life, because again, the full demonstration, the full manifestation, the realization of your self-concept is what you've created in your life right now. And you can take this into your personal life. I don't wanna dilute this conversation, but even look at your personal life for a moment. I am in a very healthy, happy, loving, respectful, loyal relationship.18:03 And we've been in it for 12 years. We're actually gonna have an anniversary here very soon. And I believed before I met my husband, I believed that I was and still am the catch. I believed I was the trophy. I believed that I was the prize. I believed that I deserved the best because I was and still am the best. And I can't even tell you how many times I would tell my girlfriends, I'm not gonna find a dude in this town. There's just no way I'm gonna find an amazing guy here. So I'm gonna take it online. Fine. He's out there somewhere in the world. He's not here. I don't think he's here. And I believe that I really did believe that where I was living at that time, I would not be able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.19:00 And because of that belief, I took it to the online streets, , and got on eHarmony and immediately found an amazing human, an amazing human who was across the world. He was across the world. And there I was because of that strong self concept that I was worthy, that I was the prize, and that I didn't have to chase anybody, and that I was going to meet him as whole and as full and resourceful as I could be as a human being, and that I was here to share this life with him. I wasn't here to put any obligation or duty on him to fulfill any voids within me. And those were actually my words in our vows. And so that's the self concept that has carried me through a very healthy, loving, respectful, loyal relationship. And let me tell you, there were some rough patches, of course, like any relationship, but for the most part, it has felt like a honeymoon every day with this person.20:02 And so it all goes back to my self concept of my role as a woman in this relationship, my role as a wife, my role as a human in this world, sharing my life with this person, what I bring to the table, what he brings to the table. It's just a beautiful self-concept that I continue to work on. I'm intentional about it. And so we're about to celebrate 12 beautiful years together, and I'm so excited for more. But back to you, my friend. Your self-concept about your life, about your leadership, about your business, about your career is important. And you, my friend, are worthy of doing this work. This is the work that we do so that we can create incredible results in our lives, in our businesses, and in our leadership. All right, my friend, I know you found today's episode very helpful. It is for me because I am still doing the work alongside you. All right, my friend, I wish you a fantastic week ahead, and I will catch you on our next episode. Take good care. Hey, leader, do you want weekly leadership tips, coaching and training straight to your email inbox? Yeah, I thought so. Head over to dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Again, that's dr denise simpson.com/leadership. Just submit your name and your email address and we'll get started right away. I look forward to serving you inside your email inbox. See you soon.
