00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace, create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:46 Hey, welcome back, my friend. Happy you're here. It's a cold rainy day here in Austin. So I thought let's get on this microphone and record an amazing episode for you. And today we're going to talk about allies, women in leadership and their allies. So I want for you to think about where you are today in your career. Now you're a professional woman. I know that for sure. I know you have some education behind you. I know you have at least 10 plus years in career experience. You are an emerging leader or a seasoned leader, but nonetheless, you are a leader. You identify as such. And so here you are now reflecting on the allies in your life, who are they? Who were they and who are we looking for to help achieve our future goals? And so let's start with reflecting back to your very first allies.
01:51 My first ally was definitely my mother. I talk a lot about her. I write a lot about her. She is no longer with us on this physical plane, but she is a woman who was my for model of feminism. She was a nurse. She was a daughter of an immigrant and she, herself and her family when they were here in the us or came to the us were migrant workers. So this woman and a tremendous work ethic. And you know, she, she was raised in the fifties and sixties here in the United States. And she was very much in tuned with women's rights and really understanding her new lot in life. You know, when you are raised with immigrant parents, you have the old world culture, right? The old world, you know, laws, the old world tradition, right? It's, it's, you know, tradition that women stay in the home and raise their children and support their spouse, who is primarily the breadwinner.
03:01 You know, these are traditional roles in the Mexican family. And so my mother saw that first hand. She experienced it with her mother and her father, but she was also an American who wanted to experiment. And she was curious that by out, you know, her purpose in life and her lot in life and what she wanted to do moving forward, she was sovereign and she, you know, knew she wanted to raise a strong family. And when she had daughters, she was very intentional in showing them, demonstrating to them that women can do whatever it is that they want to do. And that education was the key to everything. You know, she was someone who wanted to be a doctor. She told her father, I want to be a doctor. I, I want to go to school and I want to do this and come back and, and serve my community.
04:02 But I wanna come back as a physician. And he said, oh no, you won't. No, you won't. Women are not doctors. If you're gonna do anything, if you're gonna have a career, if you must have one, then why don't you choose careers that are suited for women like nursing? And I have to tell you something that is still still the, the, the bias in the medical field is that nurses are feminine and should be women. And doctors are dominantly male. Now we're changing that, but that is still the mentality, which is so interesting. . And so she heard this first from her father. She, she could not be a doctor because women had no business being physicians. They didn't have the mental capacity. They didn't have the emotional regulation and they sure as hell should not be in, in the operating room. They should be tending to the patient and answering orders from the physician.
05:02 That was the mentality. And, you know, she obeyed her father, very traditional Mexican immigrant father. She obeyed him of course, like any good daughter would, but she said, okay, that's fine. I won't be a doctor, but I'm not gonna stay home and care for my husband and, and raise these children. You know, I'm not gonna be a stay at home mother. There's no way I'm gonna do that. I will go to nursing school because I can serve my community in this capacity. And I love patients. And I love this field of, of, of nurturing and, and nursing and medicine. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that. And she did. And so for me, my first ally was this woman, you know, it was, it, it was in her behavior. So yes, she spoke a lot of words. , there's a lot of words that came outta her mouth, but it was her behavior that demonstrated to me at the unconscious level, what a powerful woman leader looks like, behaves like things like and feels like, and she was my first ally.
06:08 And I remember her saying this over and over and over again. really, I've heard this so many times, maybe about a million times. Now she would say, they could take your man. They can take your home. They can take the clothes off your back, but they will never, ever, ever take your education from you. That is yours. You've earned that this is intangible wealth sitting between your ears, that you turn into tangible things in the future. That is investment in yourself. And my mother taught me that. So she was my first ally, very first ally. Now let's, let's not forget all of the, the, the Las, you know, the aunts, the cousins, the grandmothers, you know, who were the matriarchs of our families. Although the system, the patriarchal system was very strong. We children were under the influence of our mothers for a very, very long time.
07:18 And so we took on a lot of their behaviors and they didn't know it, but they were true feminists. They really were. They really were. We saw them argue with their partners, their husbands, their spouses. We saw them retaliate. rebel, you know, destroy, you know, decon instruct like all these ideas. And, and these were the women that I, I gravitated to. And my mother was right there. She was leading the front. She was at the head of all of these movements for me. And she was my first ally. And then of course, moving into my college career and my, my management career early on, eventually into my leadership career. I've had so many allies in my personal life and in my professional life, you know, I had a professor in graduate school who said, just be you Denise. The world is waiting for you to just be you.
08:22 You don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel to please anybody. You are the gift, be the gift. You don't have to keep proving yourself to anybody that you belong in this leadership position, just be you. And name was Dr. Steven Yolo fi. And he was wow, just a strong ally in me, personally, and my future and my career, and because of him, and he's no longer with us, but because of him, I went on to get a PhD in leadership studies and really continue this growth and a really obsession for leadership. And I've had many other allies in my management career. And I say management because I started off as a manager, then leading up to C-suite or execut roles where I had more of visionary foresight role, not the technical aspect of the manager, but more of the visionary role. And so I've had many, many advocates, many allies in different capacities.
09:30 I mean, even lovers I've mean I have every single relationship, intimate relationship I've been in. I've always have reached for sought after men who support my goals. And that was probably what attracted me to, well, I know that that was one of the big things that attracted me to my, my husband was that he was so ambitious I, and an extraordinary leader in his own. Right. And when I shared my goals and you know, my dreams and aspirations, he saw that for me and believed in it for me. And there's days where I don't believe in it for myself, but he's there holding the belief for me, which is lovely, but that's my role. That's my job. That's a, on his responsibility, but it's nice to have a partner who sees that in you and maybe even more so than you do for yourself. You know, so allies are so important for us women in, in the workplace.
10:32 We need to have allies supporting our steps forward, supporting our career decisions. So who in your personal life is an advocate for you and reflect back on who your first allies were? Are they still in your life? Are they, are there messaging or their belief for you still echoing in your brain? You know, who have you had to say goodbye to because perhaps they didn't understand the evolution you were on. Perhaps they didn't understand that you had reached a new capacity and they weren't part of that new capacity. So who have you had to say goodbye to, that's important to also look at and why did we have to say goodbye to them? I had to say goodbye to a friend of mine who didn't believe in a, in a personal goal that I had for myself. She was, um, really against it. And I won't go into the details.
11:33 I have talked about this on other episodes, but she did not agree with something that I was doing for my personal life and was very open and vocal about it. And I had to really eliminate that relationship and, and move forward without her friendship, there was no support. There was no friendship is what I, I soon realized. And so who did you have to say goodbye to and why? And as we are moving in our careers and we're making decisions on the lateral move or on the vertical move, horizontal move, who are we wanting support from? Are they in the organization? Currently? Is your CEO your biggest advocate? Is it your, your peer? Is it someone also in the C-suite who is also going through some challenges alongside you? Who's there to support you, perhaps maybe it's a part or, or a spouse or someone outside of the organization, but it's important that we have allies and that we look for people who champion our work.
12:43 These are people who see the value in us, not just because we're women, right, but because we can contribute invaluable things to this organization, you know, and that's, that's a thing it's, it's, I believe women get overlooked more often than others in the organization. I believe that there is sexism, misogyny, harassment, and other things that affect women. And it's, I poor that. We start cultivating a culture of championship of championing women in the workplace. And that's what I get to help leaders do. You know, it's something that they, they, they should be intentional of. We need to bring awareness to how we can elevate women in the organization, cuz there's plenty research that shows when women lead, they impact the bottom line of the organization in a positive way, put a woman in leadership. And let me tell you something, the culture shifts, the energy changes and ultimately the bottom line is impacted in a positive way.
13:55 that I can show you all day every day. This is why it's important that we champion our women leaders in the organization. We need to make sure that women's ideas are heard, right? Because here we may find ourselves in a boardroom meeting and you may be the junior in that C-suite you may be you, the first two have arrived or excuse me, the, the Le the latest who have arrived in the boardroom. And so here you are sitting around the table with a bunch of seasoned CERs, right? They've been around the block. You may be the youngest in the room, but you have some very interesting, innovative ways to look at the culture of the organization. So as a CEO, I want for you to make sure that she is heard, make sure that her ideas are shared and heard and, and are given credit, right.
14:52 Or, or are given due diligence, right? Giving her the opportunity to, to speak her mind and to share that idea. And if it's a viable one, then let's move forward and try it out. And if it's not, then you share that with her. And, and if you are someone in mid-level, you know, you're not in the C-suite, but you're a director, you're a supervisor. And perhaps you have a subordinate, an employee who is shy and, and an introvert just naturally an introvert, perhaps she doesn't, uh, she's not comfortable in speaking in front of the team, right. There's ways where you can coach her behind the scenes to then help her raise her voice when she is in the team. So that's where you need to identify. And so I've got someone who's an introvert here, but then Jimmy over here is quite an extrovert and he likes to take over the floor.
15:45 So how do I get Sheila to speak up a little louder? Well, I'm gonna try something behind the scenes and gonna talk to her about that. I'm gonna encourage her. I'm gonna champion her to use her voice during our team meetings. So that Jimmy, over here, isn't the only one on the floor. And I don't wanna embarrass her by calling her out in front of everybody. I'm gonna coach her behind this scenes. So see finding awareness, your female employees and their strengths and their challenges and the things that you can help her with. Not publicly shaming her and not publicly embarrassing her, but perhaps behind the scenes, coaching her little by little by little, until she does have the courage to speak up in these team meetings. So making sure that women share their ideas and that they're heard more importantly is your role as the leader.
16:45 So another thing that we can do as leader is, is celebrate women's accomplishments. You know, if, if you have a woman who is always diligent in meeting her deadlines, she is a hustler. She is always, you know, working harder than everybody else. She is the one who is leading most projects and doesn't typically get recognized for her contributions. Here's an opportunity to do that because when you do that, you show a others that women are respected and that women are celebrated for their contributions in the workforce. And research shows by the way that women are the ones who get the less credit and get blamed for failures. More, that was interesting for me to look at, I thought, how is that even possible? How could that be? But it, it is true. Why, because of the bias, because of the misogyny, because of the sexism, remember the invisible things that we don't see as women, it is an undercurrent.
17:45 And it's important that we bring awareness to our own minds, our own bias as leaders. So if you are a leader, be sure to recognize a fellow woman's contributions to the organization. All right, one more thing I wanna leave you with is finding other professional women that you can mentor or on mentorship or sponsorship. Two very important things to very different things. You know, mentoring is taking someone under your wing and, and careful if she's a direct report, you know, the rest of the team may, may find that interesting, like you're favoring one over the rest of the team. So careful with that check in with your HR department and see if there is a mentoring, um, program, or maybe even a sponsorship program that you can follow the policy so that you abide by them. And that no one else gets to see this as favoritism.
18:46 But if you are someone in a position where you're able to do that, find another professional woman that you can mentor, you know, mentoring is just guiding and advocating this person on her career journey. Sponsorship is a little more technical sponsorship is really going all in and, and, and fighting for that individual in the organization. And that is usually I've seen this in the, the big four accounting firms. I see this a lot in the financial industry where women who are in the C-suite take on lower level leaders, female leaders, and they sponsor them all the way to the top. And that means the sponsor goes to bat for that woman. And it's usually a few year, a few years together. It's a relationship that lasts for several years because that sponsor is highly, highly invested in that individual. And sometimes it's a sponsor looking for her replacement, cuz she's about to retire higher.
19:51 So she's looking back and looking at prospects and she is really going all in she's betting on that person to be her replacement. So she has a bigger interest and investment in that individual. So sponsorships are very different than mentorships. And so you can always find professional associations that have mentorship opportunities for professional women like us like women in leadership. And so it doesn't have to be inside the organization. It could certainly be, you know, a university student, an MBA student, maybe a, you know, a doctoral terminal degree student who is, you know, wanting to expand her career. Um, you can find them there on, on campuses. You can call their departments. You can talk to the chairs of each department and ask, is there an opportunity for mentorship with any of your doctoral students or maybe a, an MBA student, um, alumni associations are really open to mentorship for their alumni.
20:55 And so that's something that that's important. So maybe you're Alma mater. You wanna return to your Al Alma mater and find a way to support another woman on her journey. But then there's also other pay associations that you can join that will, you know, that have, have mentorship policies in place and a handbook in place that you can follow protocol according to their, to their policies. So mentorship is so important. I had such a strong mentor in one of my vice president. I was an administrator and she held a VP position and I remembered going into her office often just uncertain of my leadership abilities. This was before I did my PhD in leadership studies. I was very doubtful. I had an unmanaged mind. My emotions were all over the place, but because I didn't have confidence in myself, there were moments where I would take 10 steps forward and then I would take 20 steps back and then I'd take another two steps forward.
22:04 And then I'd take five steps back. I mean, it was this back and forth in my brain. I questioned my decisions. I questioned whether my followers were, were committed to, to my leadership and the institution I just had. It was a really rough time for me. I just had so many doubts, so many interesting doubts and all I want to do was feel at peace. Like I didn't even care to feel powerful. I didn't even care to feel certain. I just like a wanted peace. I wanted peace in my brain and I remember, you know, coming to her one time and I said, I just, I don't know about this administration thing. Like I am, I'm exhausted. I don't know how you do it at the level that you're doing it. And she said, Denise, you are the leader. I chose you for this position because I trust you.
22:55 And I have your back in all of the decisions that you make for your department. So stand firm in knowing that like get certain in at least knowing that much, that I have your back and that I know that you're human and that I know you're gonna make mistakes because I've made a million failures. I've made a million mistakes and I have failed a million times, but I'm here supporting this institution, supporting my faculty, supporting my administrators. Like you, we're human. We're gonna make mistakes. And that is okay. And that was the turning point for me, my friend, she was the turning point for me. She was my mentor. She was a woman in leadership, a woman who was in a role that was visible, vocal and powerful. And she saw little me as the powerful woman that she was because she's human, I'm human and we're gonna make mistakes.
23:54 And it is okay. This was the first time I had ever felt on a even level playing field with someone with such great power, because let me tell you, she was revered. This woman is someone who is the institution. She's the one who, who was making all the decisions for the president. She was someone who had such great respect from every single human on that campus. And I saw finally that I was an equal to her at that moment. She eliminated hierarchy. She eliminate eliminated labels and titles and said, listen, you and I were human and we're gonna screw up, but this is how you lead. This is how you lead your people. You trust them. And you remember that they're human too. And that changed everything for me, that changed everything for me, which is why I'm probably in the coaching field now, because this is how I treat my leaders.
24:54 I tell them you're human. You're gonna make mistakes. And it's time to trust yourself and trust your followers. And so this is what I mean by mentorship, finding someone who is an ally for you, who respects you, who has your back, even when you don't even know what that looks like. So my friend, as we wrap up this episode, I want for us to reflect on our earliest allies, are they still in our lives? What did they teach us? Who have we had to eliminate from our lives? Who was really, truly not a supporter. And I also want for you to look at where you're at today, who is surrounding your life right now, who is supporting your life right now? Who has your back? Is it a partner? Is it a spouse? Is it someone outside of the organization? Or is it someone within the organization who sees you for your gifts and your blessings and who has your back, even when you don't have your own back and then who do we need to support us as we make these decisions for our future, our future career, what are we needing?
26:06 What, what supports stems do we need in place and start looking for those men and women. And non-binary humans out here who are here to support you, whether you're a woman or not, they wanna see you succeed. And then how can you return that favor? How could you, as a leader start advocating for women and celebr their contributions in the organization, how are you advocating for them? How are you letting their ideas be heard and shared? Who are you mentoring? Who are you interested in sponsoring? Perhaps these are the questions that we ask ourselves who are our allies. And more importantly, are you an ally to others? All right, my dear friend, hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thanks so much for tuning in. I will have another great episode for you next week. So I'll catch you, then take good care. Bye for now.
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