Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace, create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, [00:00:30] and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
Speaker 1: Welcome back. I have something so exciting for you. We are starting the series called what I know to be true and not because I'm an expert in everything that's so not true. I'm not an expert in everything. [00:01:00] My intellect is very narrow in that I am an expert in leadership, in organizational behavior, in serving, you know, organizations and their leaders, especially women in leadership. So that's where I am an expert in for sure the rest of the world, not so much, but I wanted to bring this mini series to you. There'll be short snippets of ideas that I have things that I know to be true because of [00:01:30] really how many people I serve and the same common problems that we all have. So what I know to be true is again, a mini is that you'll get to experience with snippets of ideas. And so stay tuned for more of this type of episode.
Speaker 1: So quick to the point, and it's really to provoke insight it's to provoke thought and, and even hopefully provoke a very strong [00:02:00] emotion from you. Yeah. So it's gonna be real, really good. so let's start today. What I know to be true is that many women in leadership are conditioned to not use their emotional intelligence to make decisions. Now, hear me out before you turn this off, remember, this is intentional. I want to a strong emotion from you. I want for you to think about the [00:02:30] last time you made a decision in your organization that had no emotional variable to it, meaning that you did not take emotion into consideration when you made a decision.
Speaker 1: Here's what I know to be true. Women are conditioned in this way. Not intentionally, maybe unintentionally. I think it's really unconscious most of this time, most of the time. And now we are learning [00:03:00] from our predecessors. We're learning from our former leaders. We're learning from people that we admire in the workforce or in the workspace. These are people that we are watching. And what we're doing is at the unconscious level, taking on learned behaviors, learned habits, learned belief systems from them. I have always said this to my clients. You are the culmination of your former [00:03:30] supervisors, all of your supervisors. I mean, think about that. How many leaders have you served under? How many leaders have been so disrespectful? How many times have you said there is no way that guy can lead or there's no way that that woman can lead. I can do this better.
Speaker 1: How many times have you questioned your leader, many and, and think about out your [00:04:00] past experiences with your leaders. I mean, I remember my first leader in retail, she was a tyrant. She was a nightmare to work for. My nervous system was always jacked up. I was always so afraid. I couldn't screw up. If not, she'd yell at us and scream at us and torture us verbally. This is what I learned in my early twenties. And then I found myself repeating these behaviors. When I got into management into leadership [00:04:30] positions, I started to consciously bring up all of these learned behaviors. And so think about your experience is if you're a culmination of your former leaders, who are you today, and are you proud of who you are today? And when I mean that we are conditioned this way, we are unconsciously conditioning ourselves to not react [00:05:00] with emotion because we see our leaders or former leaders or learn from our former leaders that you don't make decisions from emotions.
Speaker 1: That's what we are learning as women in leadership. And this is probably the number one thing I hear from my leaders is that they cannot show that they have an emotional leave. They cannot show that their heart is on their sleeve. And what it does is it interrupts their decision making. [00:05:30] It impacts how they decide for their departments, for their regions, for their organizations. And here's what I know to be true is that the neuroscience shows you can and not avoid emotions because when you think thoughts, emotions are the byproduct of a thought. So here you are weigh heavily on rationale on logic, on reasoning, on data, on research to make these decisions. [00:06:00] And you're thinking that you're not using your emotional base and you certainly are because it is impossible. It is impossible to not feel an emotion. When you think thoughts. And when you're deciding you have a lot of thoughts swirling in your brain, you are doing a cost versus risk analysis.
Speaker 1: In your mind, you are doing a pros and cons list. You're looking into the future to see how this could possibly impact the [00:06:30] organization. You're also looking at immediate consequences. You are assessing all of this in your, a brain, which are causing these thoughts to flow through. And when you have a thought and emotion is the byproduct, you cannot help that. And so when you hear about Daniel, Goldman's emotional intelligence theory, and he's done some amazing work in this area and a ton of empirical research in, in this area, he's talking [00:07:00] about the leader tapping into her emotional base, into her emotional foundation. We're all emotional creatures, men, women, nonbinary, humans. We are emotional creatures. So why are we leading this out of leadership? We can't, it's impossible. And so what I know to be true is that when a leader taps into her emotional base, into who [00:07:30] she really is, and then she shows up as a genuine, authentic, compassionate human, she then impacts her employees to do the same.
Speaker 1: You're making decisions from logic and compassion, from research and likability, right? You like your employees, you care for your employees. You want the best for your employees. How is this going to impact your employees? If you make this decision based [00:08:00] on nothing but research, which again is impossible, but you think you're doing that right? How is this going to impact the emotional wellbeing of this organization? And my employees, you cannot make a decision without using your thoughts and your emotion. It's impossible. And if you're going to really look into your emotional base, maybe perhaps you have been [00:08:30] suppressing that for a long time, because you have been conditioned to react this way to behave this way. I want for you to check in with those decisions that you have made in the past, where you thought you only took logic or, or data or research into consideration.
Speaker 1: And now check in with today, knowing this information that you cannot avoid emotions, would you have changed that decision? [00:09:00] Because now, you know, that emotions are impossible to remove, to suppress, to hide, to byproduct of thinking. So now that you're contemplating that decision, would you change dis decision right now today? Because perhaps it did impact your employee's wellbeing, perhaps it did impact their perspective on you as a leader, perhaps it was a negative consequence to the organization's bottom line. [00:09:30] Would you have changed that decision if you had considered your emotional base and not just logic? And if you are getting ready to make a decision for your department or your region or your organization, I want for you to check in with the emotions that are coming up with those thoughts, those thoughts are creating neurochemicals in your body, in the form of feelings of [00:10:00] emotions, jot those down.
Speaker 1: Are you making decisions from fear or are you making decisions from growth and expansion and fulfillment? Are you making decisions from a place of defeat? Are you making a decision and based on pressure, are you making these decisions based on happiness, on joy for your, for your employees or the organization? Okay. Where are you at [00:10:30] emotionally with this next decision that you need to make? Your emotions will guide you. If you are coming from a place of scarcity or from a place of fear or resentment or anger or bitterness or pressure, I guarantee you, the actions that you're going to take from that Fe from those negative feelings, those actions will not be sustainable. You will cause more harm to your organization than good in my job. As your leadership [00:11:00] coach is to tell you the truth. And this is what I know to be true.
Speaker 1: Hey, before you go, I have something so special to give you. It's called the next level progress program. This program is designed for high achieving highly ambitious individuals. Just like you in this program, you're going to find a course catalog that the MBA at Harvard university wish they had. I swear by [00:11:30] it and also the NLP formula course, which is only available to my private clients. And now you get access to it. So head over to my show notes, jump on in enroll for free again, lifetime access. So every time I add a new course, a new video training, a new masterclass, you get immediate access to it. So head to the show notes and I'll see you inside.
Speaker 2: [00:12:00] I.
